a blog

Clouds

Jessie — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:50:55 +0000

There’s a rain cloud over my head to remind me of you
The days in my past, clouded from reality and truth
A subtle building of habit and routine
Growing thick with the smoke, you’d know what I mean
If I took us back, I’d find nothing at all
Not a touch of the truth, a trust built only to fall
And I drank my own poison, the girl of misery
She’ll bring you down, only her will you see
But the tables were turned, I’ve gone straight to the ground
I don’t seek your protection, you’ve only spun me around
With your great findings of places to hide
What was my point, you were only in for the ride

Oh these clouds, they hide the sky
Not even the sun will shine, the brightest of stars
A blanket of grey, all the color will fade
And oh these clouds, they hide our sky
Not even I can shine, once the brightest of stars

Along came the downpour to wash you away
You’ve abandoned my memory, you were never here to stay
Tell me, what’s the point to betray?
When all you’ve wanted will simply decay
Those are such high places to store dreams
I hope you can reach them without tearing the seams
Of your own being, the liar you keep within
To keep yourself safe, before hate can begin
Don’t hide child, that’s the coward’s mark
You’ve got them fooled, your eyes are dark
Long days and young nights, none of it was real
I thought these clouds would break and I’d learn how to feel
But you’re only a blanket from truth
And from you, I ask for no proof
You’ve done enough to prove you’re not worth a thing
And I’ve learned of the clouds, the clouds that you bring

Oh these clouds, they hide my sky
Not even the sun will shine, the brightest of stars
You’re just a blanket of grey, all your color will fade
And oh you’re the clouds, you hide my sky
Not even I can shine, once the brightest of stars

this was a loss

Jessie — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:20:08 +0000

it’s hard to say when you’ve truly “lost” someone. everybody dies, i’m well aware of this. but it’s not so easy to believe when they die before you do. and at a time so unexpected and undeserved. on january 2nd, my best friend william somtoa was hit by a drunk driver. a few days later, william passed away at harborview after being taken off life support. it’s been a month now since his death and things some how haven’t gotten better nor have they gotten worse. i find myself laying awake throughout the night doing nothing but listening to music and thinking about william and my own life in general. often stumbling upon pictures of william and breaking down. this is every day, for the last 31 days. for hours at a time. they said it would get easier with time. well that isn’t happening. i knew from the start this was something that would be impossible to “move on” from. and it’s true, it’s not something you can move on from. william was such a great friend, i have so many memories of us lodged in my head, all of which i’ve repeated numerous times throughout the month. he was the last person to deserve to die at such a young age. i wish he was here right now so bad, i miss him so much. he was one of a kind, and i say that confidently. he was very well the most amazing person to ever be born. i’m so grateful for the time we shared here on earth, and i hope to see him soon. william was truly a loss from our lives, but knowing him was the greatest gain any of us will have ever received.

there are no rules

Jessie — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:07:06 +0000

in this world i’ve created,
time is told by sound.
sight is seen by imagination.
and touch is felt by our hearts.
the mornings filled with birds
standing on these old trees
so thick with moss, an open window
for the scent to slide right in
these songbirds they sing me to sleep
to my rest from the nights skies
when the stars were bright, before the sun
came to say goodnight
this world was far from backwards
there’s never such use for backwards
that’s when it all crumbles
into ruins, and you’ve lost your mind
thinking you’re never right
but you’re never wrong.
so open your eyes, and
your mind will take control.
oh the endless beauty
the remarkable future
and the neverending present.
the stars you’ve once seen,
your bestfriends with their tales
they’ll twinkle their eyes and
give you a smile.
the grass stays green,
and the sky stays black.
what a mural to paint
on an everlasting canvas.
so open your eyes, and
your heart will take control.
oh how your heart,
how your heart,
can open your eyes.

bound and battered

Jessie — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:16:28 +0000

i drove past our old house, the paint chipped in new places
that tree in the yard, we planted years ago, it’s big and old
how i dreamed of a swingset, of an adventure atop it
but it’s somebody else’s dream now, if they knew this
i walked along that old trail, the one that never ended
where we picked blackberries and hummed some songs
the ones from tv, that i wasn’t supposed to know
but it never mattered, it was once eternal bliss
catching butterflies and rolling down these hills
staying up all night to watch the snow fall
oh how that snow fell, flake after flake
i never knew i’d be that flake
with a flake after flake, i’d fall
just fall down, stick to the ground
melt away, never to be found
oh how we grew old, you and i
like that fresh autumn wind just blew us away
away from here and this great past
the wind as our time, and this time couldn’t last
we were so young, dreaming so big
but you chased my dreams away
and i had nothing else in mind
and now i lay awake until the sun hits this broken window
of a place i don’t ever want to call home
it’ll blind me and put me to sleep, oh another day gone
but there i lay, rested yet tired
thinking of words to compile into a song
words from the past, like a book i was writing
this whole damn time, like a book i was writing
of no importance, just of you and i
the you and i that was before
but gone long ago, withered away like our youth
this story stays still, inside my head
there’s just more to it, then something to be read
oh but this story wasn’t made for anybody else
no it wasn’t made for anybody else